Becoming Better Rolemodels

Nope.  Not me.
Photo by Raoul Snyman (Photo not of the author)

I often joke that I’m a good example of a bad example.  The truth, however, is that for much of my life, I actually was.  I was weak, cowardly, dishonorable, and a lazy sack of excrement.  I had nothing to recommend me as a decent human being to anyone.

Then, 15 years ago, my son was born.  This tiny little life depended on me, and more than that, he depended on me to be the professor for his life.  He needed someone to show him how to be a man, and I wasn’t the one he needed to look to.

For me, it was the kick in the rear I needed to try and be better.  It was the moment that started changing everything. Continue reading “Becoming Better Rolemodels”


To Build A Community

Photo by Kevin Dooley
Photo by Kevin Dooley

Over the weekend, I talked a bit about “tribes” and why tribes aren’t such a bad thing.  Now, I’d like to float my own idea for an intentional tribe, or a community.  Whatever term you use is irrelevant.  What matters is that it’s a group of people who bind themselves together under a set of principles.

What follows are my own ideas for my own community.  If you are using this as a guideline for your own, awesome.  I merely ask you to change the name. Continue reading “To Build A Community”

Are ‘Tribes’ Such A Bad Thing?

Recently, I’ve been thinking about tribes and tribalism.  Donovan, at the end of The Way of Men, admonished guys to form “gangs”, basically groups of men who are beholden to you and who you are beholden to.

Photo by Jhoana Tamayo
Photo by Jhoana Tamayo

The reality is that not only is it impossible to prove yourself to billions of people, or even millions, unless you have a massive platform, it’s also completely pointless.  Part of honor is in having the approval of your peers, and those millions aren’t your peers.

So, instead, we should form smaller groups.

Here’s where it gets tricky.  The idea of “tribe” gets a lot of negative attention.  People view tribalism as a bad thing, but they’re also misusing the term. Continue reading “Are ‘Tribes’ Such A Bad Thing?”

Women, Nice Guys, and Tough Guys

One of the things Game practitioners supposedly did back in the early days was look at the things women responded to.  For example, characters in romance novels.  They argued, and on this I’m in agreement, that what women wanted in their escapism is indicative of what they want in their lives.

Photo by Vladimir Pustovit
Photo by Vladimir Pustovit

Hey, I read about spaceships and dragons in my escapism, and those would be awesome in real life, so I agree.

Well, as a novelist myself, I was on Amazon looking for books that have MMA as a central theme.  I had an idea for a story that used it, and I wanted to see how other authors handled the detailed and technical aspects of fighting.

I looked up “MMA fighter fiction”, and the results were kind of eye opening. Continue reading “Women, Nice Guys, and Tough Guys”

What Is A Man?

The idea of who is and isn’t a man may well be one of the greatest challenges facing the males of the human species.  These days, real men can be anything.  A real man supposedly cries at kitten videos and is a kind, gentle soul who wouldn’t hurt a fly or something.

Photo courtesy of andriuXphoto
Photo courtesy of andriuXphoto

Oddly enough, traditionally masculine activities are often portrayed as being the purview of guys who aren’t real men but want to pretend.  Hunting, shooting, fighting, etc are all constantly being described as the playground of either those trying to overcompensate for something or as having some kind of homoerotic subtext that no one actually involved in the activity can sense.

The reality is that being a man isn’t as simple as society as a whole would have you believe. Continue reading “What Is A Man?”

Let’s Just Be Men

While doing research for both this site and another project I have in the works, I’ve noticed something, and I’m not sure just how I feel about it.  That is how so many sites ostensibly about masculinity and men’s issues spend an inordinate amount of time kvetching about feminists.

Photo by Mike Maguire
Photo by Mike Maguire

Make no mistake, I’m no fan of modern, third-wave feminism.  Yes, women should be treated equally, but that’s not what this version of feminism is really about based on my readings.

However, many guys spend so much time complaining about feminism that they forget they’re supposed to be talking about men.

Frankly, I don’t really care.  When feminists attack masculinity, men in general, or something important to us, I’ll respond.  Other than that, maybe a passing mention because I despise their ideas of masculinity.  I’m just not that interested in their opinions. Continue reading “Let’s Just Be Men”

Provider, Protector and Professor. The Role of Man Part 3: The Provider

This is the third part of a new series on the role of men in a family unit, regardless of what forms that family takes.  These are based on the historical role of men from early tribal, hunter-gatherer societies and are still pertinent in this advanced day and age.  Read Part 1, Read Part 2.

First, let me apologize for taking so long on this one.  The truth is, I needed some time to wrap my head around the role of man as the provider in this day and age.

Photo by Carol Mitchell
Photo by Carol Mitchell

Once upon a time, man served as provider because he was the hunter.  He ranged far and wide and brought back the all-important meat.  While the woman would gather greens and seeds, meat was the most vital part of the diet because it was so difficult to come by at the time.

When mankind shifted an agricultural society, man took to the fields.  He either herded animals or raised crops.  Women, due to biology, were relegated to keeping house as they nursed young.  After all, it’s incredibly difficult to fight off wolves or harvest wheat with a baby stuck to your breast. Continue reading “Provider, Protector and Professor. The Role of Man Part 3: The Provider”