Where Have All The Real Men Gone?

I saw this on Facebook earlier today. I understand it’s a couple of years old, but it’s new to me, and it’s funny has hell because I’ve encountered people just like this.


Now, I get a guy being upset at someone flirting with his girl. Assuming he knew she was involved with someone, it’s a mark of disrespect for another man to flirt with someone else’s girlfriend, and I applaud this young man for recognizing that and refusing to play submissive in such a circumstance.

Now, with that said…


*gasp of breath*


Oh, that’s just funny.

Sparky the Wonder Spud there thinks he can throw down because of a list of video games he’s pretty good at.

Yes, this may be satire, but since I’ve encountered more than a few people who really think this way.  They’re convinced that because they’re good at some video game, or they can mimic the movements of a cartoon “ninja” pretty closely (yes, this one happened too), then they can hold their own in a real scrap.

If that’s all they’ve got going for them, they can’t.

Unfortunately, there’s no real desire on the part of society to tell these young males that no, they’re not real men because they can “pwn newbs” in Halo.  After all, society is telling guys that everyone’s a man so long as they “identify” as one, so a guy who rocks at Call of Duty has no reason to doubt himself as a man.

At least, not until they run smack into a man who actually knows how to throw down.

At that point, they find out that nothing they’ve ever done can really prepare them for the violence of a street fight.  Not even hours of watching UFC really gets them ready for such a thing.

When I was a kid, karate was all the rage.  Everyone watched karate movies and wanted to study karate.  It was the ultimate in self defense.

Time has mellowed that outlook, since I’ve seen plenty of black belts get their butts kicked, but I do find it amusing how every boy I knew essentially wanted to learn how to fight for real.

Video games existed at this time, but they were different.  I had the Atari 2600 when I was a kid, and spent hours playing it, but the games were so basic that we didn’t have any illusions regarding our own skills, so we sought out the real deal.

Today, video games give some the idea that they know more than they really do.  As a result, they don’t bother actually learning anything that’s real.  Why would they?  They already know how to kill a mofo, right?

Absolutely pathetic.

Here’s the deal, kiddies.  You’re not a special snowflake, and you’re not a super badass.

Every single badass I know has been punched in the face.  A lot.  They’ve spent hours upon hours learning the basics, the things you think are inconsequential.  They spent hours learning just how to throw a punch, then they spent more hours throwing punches perfectly so their brains understood the process on an instinctive level.

They spent hours and hours looking to learn things they didn’t know, because there was always someone who knew more than they did.  They filled their heads with knowledge and repeated the above process with this new information.

Of course, they also spent hours making sure their bodies were able to handle what they were trying to do.  They lifted weights, or swung kettlebells, or ran.  They did whatever it was that they needed so they could hold their own.

Then they repeated it again and again and again.

Once they achieved a level of badassdom, how did they proclaim it?  How did they let the world know they were the toughest hombre in town?  How did the alert the world to leave them alone or face humiliation?

They didn’t.

There’s something I call Knighton’s Law.  It reads, “The more time someone spends trying to convince others that they’re a badass, the less likely they are to actually be one.”

I’ve known Navy Seals, Army special forces, police SWAT officers, all kinds of badasses.  None of them talk smack about how tough they are.  Instead, there’s an air about them that seems to tell people to back off.

Audie Murphy is best known as an actor, but some forget that he was also the most decorated soldier of World War II.

One story that illustrates the point here is about Murphy and his wife attending a Hollywood party where another actor, an A-lister at the time, was cussing up a storm.  Murphy asked the other actor to stop, and was blown off.

Now, remember that Audie Murphy wasn’t a big man.  I suspect it was easy to blow him off…to a point.

Murphy asked the actor to stop cussing again, this time with a bit more emphasis.

Reportedly, the actor saw the look of a man who had killed and could do so again, and decided to leave the party.  The story goes that whenever Murphy showed up at a party after that, if the other actor was there, he left rather than risk riling up the veteran.

Murphy didn’t have to tell anyone he was a badass.  They got the point without him saying a thing.

How did we go from Audie Murphy’s quiet badassdom to Sparky the Wonder Spud who looks like he’ll break if you look at him hard proclaiming himself to be the best of the best?

Maybe he needs to be punched in the face a bit, just so he can understand his own limitations.